I’m BACK!!!… maybe

Hello blog world! I haven’t blogged in um…. 9 months. It has been a good break! But so much has happened and so much is happening I think we need to reunite! So hopefully I’ll get back into this swing of things. thanks for bearing with me great friends and I will you on my life shortly!

With love… me!

erma

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.” ~Erma Bombeck

words

my friend britt posted this. it is goodness

For thirty-three years he would feel everything you and I have ever felt. He felt weak. He grew weary. He was afraid of failure.He was susceptible to wooing women. He got colds, burped, and had body odor. His feelings got hurt. His feet got tired. And his head ached. To think of Jesus in such a light is – well it seems almost irreverent doesn’t it? It is much easier to keep the humanity out of the incarnation. There is something about keeping him divine that keeps him distant, packaged and predictable.  But don’ do it. For heaven’s sake don’t do it. Let him be as human as he intended to be. Let him into the mire and the muck of our world. For only if we let him in can he pull us out.
 
For thousands of years, using his wit and charm, man tried to be friends with God. And for thousands of years he had let God down more than he had lifted him up. He’d done the very thing he promised he’d never do. It was a fiasco. Even the holiest of heroes sometimes forgot whose side they were on. Aaron. Right hand man to Moses. Holy priest of God. But if he was so saintly, what is he doing leading the Israelites in fireside aerobics in front of the golden calf? The sons of Jacob. The fathers of the tribes of Israel. If they were so special, why were they gagging their younger brother and sending him to Egypt? David. The man after God’s own heart. THe King’s king. The giant slayer and song writer. He’s also the guy whose glasses got steamy as a result of a bath on a roof. And Samson. Swooning on Delilah’s couch, drunk on the wine, perfume, and soft lights. He’s thinking ‘She’s putting on something more comfortable.’ She’s thinking ‘I know I put those shears in here somewhere.’ Adam adorned in fig leaves and stains of forbidden fruit. Moses throwing both a staff and a temper tantrum. King Saul looking into a crystal ball for the will of God. Noah, drunk and naked in his own tent. These are the chosen ones of God? This is the royal lineage of the King? These are the ones who were to carry out God’s mission? Its easy to see the absurdity.Why didn’t he give up? Even after generations of people had spit in his face, he still loved them. And yet it is that very irrationality tha gives the gospel its power. Only God could love like that. 
 
The Judean Lion. He walked out from among the dense trees of theoloy and ritual and lay down in a brief clearing. In his paw was a wound and in his mane were stains of blood. But there was a royalty about him that silenced even the breeze in the trees. Bloodstained royalty. A God with tears. A creator with a heart. God became earth’s mockery to save his children. How absurd to think that such nobility would go to such poverty to share such a treasure with such thankless souls.
 
He looked around the carpentry shop. He stood a moment in the refuge of the little room that housed so many sweet memories. He had come to say goodbye. It was time for him to leave. He had heard somethig that made him know it was time to go. So he came one last time to smell the sawdust and lumber. Life was peaceful here. I wonder what he thought as he took one last look around the room. I wonder if he hesitated. I wonder if his heart was torn. I wonder if he rolled a nail between his finger and his thumb, anticipating the pain. It was here that his human hands had shaped the wood his divine hands had created. I wonder if he wanted to stay. I wonder bcause I know he had already read the last chapter. He knew that the feet that would step out of the safe shadow of the carpentry shop would not rest until they’d been pierced and placed on a Roman cross. You see, he didn’t have to go. He had a choice. He could have stayed. He could have kept his mouth shut. He could have ignored the call or at least postponed it.
 
But his heart wouln’t let him. If there was hesitation on the part of his humanity, it was overcome by the compassion of his divinity. His divinity heard the voices. His divinity heard the hopeless cries of the poor, the bitter accusations of the abandoned, the dangling despair of those who are trying to save themselves. And his divinity saw the faces. Some wrinkled. Some weeping. Some hidden behind veils. Some obscured by fear. Some earnest with searching. Some blank with boredom. 
 
And you can be sure of one thing. Among the voices that found their way into the carpentry shop in Nazareth was your voice. Your silent prayers uttered on tearstained pillows were heard before they were said. Your deepest questions about death and eternity were answered before they were asked. And your direst need, your need for a Savior, was met before you ever sinned. And not only did he hear you, he saw you. He saw your face aglow the hour you first knew him. He saw your face in shame the hour you first fell. The same face that looked back at you from this morning’s mirror, looked at him. And it was enough to kill him. He left because of you.
 
He laid his security down with his hammer. He hung tranquility on the peg with his nail apron. He closed the window shutters on the sunshine of his youth and locked the door on the comfort and ease of anonymity. Since he could bear your sins more easily than he could bear the thought of your hopelessness, he chose to leave. It wasn’t easy. Leaving the carpentry shop never has been. 
 
No names do him justice. But there is one name which recalls the quality of the Master that bewildered and compelled those who knew him. It reveals a side of him that when recognized is enough to make you fall on your face. Jesus. In the gospels it’s his most common name – used almost six hundred times. And a common name it was. When God chose the name his son would carry, he chose a human name. He chose a name so typical it would appear two or three times on any given class role. He was touchable, approachable, reachable. And what’s more, he was ordinary. If he were here today you probably wouldn’t notice him. He wouldn’t turn heads. ‘Just call me Jesus’ you can almost hear him say.
 
It is worth noting that those who knew him best remembered him as Jesus. The titles Jesus Christ and Lord Jesus are seen only six times. Thoe who walked with him remembered him not with a title or designation, but with a name – Jesus. When God chose to reveal himself, he did so through a human body. The tongue that called forth the dead was a human one. The hand that touched the leper had dirt under its nails. The feet upon which the woman wept were calloused and dusty. And his tears…oh don’t miss the tears…they came from a heart as broken as yours or mine has ever been. ‘For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses.’

{lucado}

you make beautiful things out of dust

2 Conrinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Thanksgiving

Usually it is the 4 of us. I cook a huge meal, more food the then is logical for us to eat. and we spend the day being lazy. THis is the first holiday season that our little smoak family of 4 is spending the holidays with the big family. yesterday we spent the day in Charlotte at my parents house. My dad made the best turkey he has ever made. And it was the first time… ever that the 10 of us have been together. mom. dad. amber. megan. g. hadley. brian. emma. ben. me. and it was glorious! having all  people i love with all my heart in one house. i remember yesterday stopping and being THIS is thanksgiving! i am so thankful! today starts part two… hitting up the inlaws for lunch then headed to BD’s aunts house for the afternoon. i’ll post pictures soon.  but i’ll leave you with my thankfu list.

I am thankful for…

-my husband who sticks with me.

-my sweet babies who bring me joy

-sisters and brothers who love me.

-a lifegroup that pushes me toward jesus. who are my prayer warriors

-a home. we have more than we need.

- a savior who is reconciling my sin. who loves me uncondidtionally and who relentlessly pursues my heart.

hope you have a happy thanksgiving!

you are still God… i have a reason

i know i haven’t blogged in a long time. there are periods of time when i don’t fell like i have anything valid to say. nothing important for you to read… is there even anyone out there to read this? i have no words of value to say. i don’t want to be a self imoprtant person who puts is a meer mumble of words every few days. thats not me. but today i feel like i need to be out there. telling you people of the air what is  happening in me. it might be silly or pointless or to noone but myself … but here i am… not really sure why i am about to tell you all this. but trusting that God has a reason.

satan is on attack in my heart. he is out there to pull me down and hurt my heart.  serious in my face spiritual battle. i have been having internal struggles with who i am as a wife, a mom, a daughter of an earthly father and as a daughter of  the King.  Satan is so smart to feed me these lies. these sick lies and twists of truths. he does it in the day. in small whispers. and at night when i can’t sleep he is keeping me up with them.  he shouts out “you are worthless”  “he doesn’t really love you” “your not a good mom” “why are you not able to meet this need or that need” “you hypocrite” “you say you love jesus but look you failed here____.” “you didn’t finish college. what value do you have? you can’t do anything to support your family”these are just a few of the many lies that circle in my head right now.

marriage is hard. i know people tell you that its going to be but i didn’t really beleive it. being a wife is tough. i am to spur your husband towards jesus in a respectful submissive way. i am to be humble and peacemaker but bold  strong and have a voice.  

being a mom to two is hard. it is a 24 hour a day 7 days a week constant. there is no break. there is no selfish moment. my mind is constantly tryign to parent right. do the right activities and discipline in a stern but loving way and show them jesus. sometimes to be honest i can’t even breath. i konw that my life will shape and mold each of my children and i know how i react to it will to. its pressure

being a grown up daughter is tough. its so confusinge to me. i am i under your authority? no but do i need to obey? yes.  i still want to please my parents and siblings but feel like the balance is off.

proclaiming jesus and then seeing my sin is so frsutrating. how can i encourage girl A to have faith and trust jesus in this situation. when in my own life i am struggling to have faith in this other area of my life. i don’t want to be a hypocrite. i don’t want to be another one of those christians who don’t show jesus how he was intended to be shown. in all his goodness

i feel like i am failing miserably. my husband, my children, my boss, my parents.

i knowthe truths. i know them but i forget them. its easy to get consumed in these lies. sometimes i shut out the truth. i don’t know why… its like i don’t want to hear it. I know that God knit my family together perfectly. BD, me, E and B. I know that i am called to be a wife to this man to show him Jesus.  and that through it i will become more like him. i know that E and B love me and that i love them with all my heart. and i am not failing them.  i know that i am His daughter. and that he loves me inspite of all this. sometimes i forget. but i kow this to be true. that “in him i am a new creation. the old is gone and the new is here.”that  God loves me and is relentlessly persusing me. and i have confidince that he is living in me and that he is wageing war for my soul. 

so yeah… its been a crazy last few days. and i might listen to the lies when i shouldn’t but i know without a doubt my hope is in HIm and that He commands my destiny.  resting on that today. reminding myself of the truth of his word… that he will fight for me and that he will never fail!

 1 john 5:4 - for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith.

Pumpkins with my friends

Last night we had some friends over with their children. We carved pumpkins and ate yummy desssert and just enjoyed being outside and fun company. here a few pictures of that fun day.

These are some pictures my friend melissa took. she is just starting her photography company. she got some great shots of my children and me.  Definitly frame worthy pictures!